


Birthdays

by rabidsamfan



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Gen, Grief, Kid Fic, cartharsis, post-canon character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-26
Updated: 2005-03-26
Packaged: 2018-09-25 09:18:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9812897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidsamfan/pseuds/rabidsamfan
Summary: When she was little, Elanor thought that it was just the way Daddies were on little girls' birthdays.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rubynye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubynye/gifts).



When she was little, Elanor thought that it was just the way Daddies were on little girls' birthdays. After all, his eyes were never so red-rimmed on Frodo-lad's birthdays, and his voice was never so hoarse. But then when Rosie-lass's first birthday came, and her Daddy was the same happy Daddy as he was for Frodo-lad's birthdays, she had to think again. It was hard work for a lass of five and a bit, and by the time she'd eaten her share of the cake she'd forgot, and didn't remember until the next March, when her Daddy was tired and pale again, and his eyes were sad above his smile.

Her Mum must have noticed her watching and thinking that time, because the night before she turned seven Elanor heard her talking to Daddy and telling him he owed it to his firstborn to get some sleep that night so he'd be alright come morning. But that didn't work very well, because he had bad dreams and Elanor started her birthday by hiding in the shadows watching Mum hold Daddy and rock him like he was one of the babies because he couldn't stop crying. He didn't come to Elanor's party at all that year, and Mum explained that it didn't have anything to do with Elanor, but Elanor wasn't very sure.

When she was going to be eight Elanor decided that she'd rather have her Daddy at the party than have him sleep and have bad dreams, so she told him that she needed help in getting her mathoms ready to give away the next day, and even though he chided her for not getting ready sooner he let her stay up with him, and if they were both tired and sleepy the next day it was all right, because it was both of them. Even if Elanor did fall asleep at her own party.

When she was going to be nine, Elanor thought to do the same thing again, and her Daddy must have thought so too, because he forgot to make the cake until the last minute and they had to do presents and cake too, but when Elanor got yawny he sent her to bed with a hug and a kiss and said he'd be all right come morning. And he was, mostly, except for thinking.

The year that she was going to be ten was different, because Daddy started to read the Red Book to her just after Yule, and by the time that her birthday was coming they had read all the way to the part where he and Mr. Frodo who Frodo-lad was named for had left the rest of the Fellowship and met Gollum and were in an awful place called the Dead Marshes. On her birthday eve as they stirred the batter and poured it into pans she asked him to read her more, and he said he didn't want to get the Book sticky so she said to just tell it like it was a story and he didn't answer for a while, but then he started talking, and by the time the cake was in the oven and they were sitting across from each other at the big table wrapping presents he'd told her about Captain Faramir and about the stairs to Cirith Ungol. She was big to climb into his lap, but she did, when he told her about the big spider, and about Gollum trying to kill him and Mr. Frodo almost dying but not really.

The coals of the fire glowed red, and she watched the tiny bursts of nearly invisible flame that occasionally danced across them and wondered if that was the way that the Mountain had looked. Her Daddy was holding her almost too tight, talking about a place so dry and mean she could hardly imagine it, except for the way his voice hurt him to talk. Elanor thought he had almost forgot that she was only a little girl, but even though she was scared she wanted him to tell the story, because then she would know why he was always sad for her birthday, so she held very still and tried not to shiver as he talked about walking with nothing to drink and being too thirsty to eat. And then when the story was almost finished Gollum came back in to it again and that was bad and scary because Daddy had let him go and then it was good because Mr. Frodo had almost lost to the Ring and Daddy hadn't been able to help him, but Gollum did only not exactly by wanting to help which is why Mr. Frodo only had nine fingers. 

He kept dreaming about that part, Daddy said, about standing there and watching Mr. Frodo disappear and knowing that the Ring had to be destroyed and not knowing how to do it at all and everything depending on him like it had when he thought Mr. Frodo was dead because of the spider. And he was crying, so Elanor decided that it was okay to move so she got out her handkerchief which was almost clean and wiped his face for him and he tried to smile when she asked if Mr. Frodo got into trouble for putting on the Ring. Daddy said not, because Gandalf, who wasn't dead after all, said that Frodo had done what he needed to do to make sure that the Ring was destroyed when he had not killed Gollum way back before the Dead Swamp place. So she asked him wasn't it the same and he said wasn't what the same and she said wasn't it the same for him because he had let Gollum go when he was outside the mountain so he couldn't think of how to help Mr. Frodo when he was inside the mountain because he had already done what he was supposed to do before that. And then Daddy cried again, but it was a different kind of crying and it stopped after a while and he kissed her and called her his wonderful miracle and that was nice but then they had to make another cake because they'd let the first one get burned while they were talking.

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted here: http://rabidsamfan.livejournal.com/141317.html


End file.
